the route to REALLY happy is littered with so many reservations and regrets….


what is Happy……….What is it really??

You know how when you are asleep, lost, cut adrift in a deep, all enveloping, all consuming bottomless treacley thick luxuriously blissfull sleep?

You only know just how entirely lost you are to that amazing, all enveloping surrendor,when that seagull sat on your windowsill squalks loudly enough so it makes your ears work again? Only then, when you become aware ever so very slightly of the sound ….only then and as you exhale and begin to stretch out your body……BAM !! ONLY then will you know, because my brain at least at this stage, always does….serve up a flash of how I feel right then in my life….

hmmmmmm I am rambling, not being clear……

You know how when tomorrow is a really big BIG day? It is first day of your holiday? your Birthday? you begin to wake up and you remember what it is and you smile… stretch and breathe out……and hmmmmmmmmm….roll over and yum…..happy?

Real happy, the type I am talking about is just so deep seated and so base that it is just irresistible and yet somehow so utterly illusive to us past childhood or so it would seem?

I suppose another way of explain it would be to remind you that when you are conversley dreading something happening, then it always seems to happen even faster somehow…..? If you have a test or an exam….one you are dreading, you will be woken with just that thought at the forefront of your mind…..

In my life to date…..that dread, fear,regret, has sadly all too often been the first thing I think of when I wake up……….

But when I began to immerse myself in what I love…….once I began to spend all of my time doing and being what I need to be…….

oh how amazing I feel.

I am presently as poor as a church mouse, and very lacking in the trappings of cash…….

I am certain this is because for just now……the change in route I have chosen IS so huge and diverse from where I was and what I know….that for just now……poor is where I am.

BUT…..being this happy & feeling this convicted this certain that what I am doing with my life is where I should be………means that somehow, finally….I am loved and happy and cherished for what I am.

Becoming authentic and being finally what I have always needed to be, but somehow just never was?……finally being… has made me so completely at peace.

Thank you to glass for showing me the way……

now if I can just figure out how to make glass pay and flip me out of poverty……then I will have it all….all that I need……


but for right now……I have him and glass and my chosen family and I feel amazing!! thank you universe!!!


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